Unexpected Friendship

Who would you name as the partner of your unexpected friendship? What unlikely friendships have you forged?

I first met Kathryn when I was ushered past the bustle of her senior living center entrance and brought into the den. The room was nicely sunned by neighboring windows, and she was seated formally, yet comfortably, having drifted into a doze. Her daughter-in-law jostled her, and becoming aware of my approach, Kathryn looked me over thoroughly with a clever and kind gaze. We enjoyed a nice chat since she was easily talkative. At the end of our time, she turned to her daughter-in-law and declared, “I like her. She speaks in full sentences with correct grammar. And we’ve already found we share a love for British literature and theatre. She and I should get on royally.” We had struck friendship gold.

You’ve read Tuesdays with Morrie, and this became my Fridays with Kathryn. I collected her each Friday morning and planned an interesting outing for the day. This always included a fine place for lunch dining after which she had a standing appointment at the Neiman Marcus’s salon for her hair setting, manicure, and chin waxing. Our jaunt would end with my drive to the grocery store to select her groceries while she accompanied me by wheelchair. Five short hours of my week became filled with humor and rife with delight. She introduced me to another world, as if time had rewound to 1942.

For my part, I met an intriguing woman in Kathryn. She was 87 years to my 27, not that that left us dry for discussion. Embodying all things as classic as cantankerous, she was educated, shrewd, sharp-witted, and humorous. She was also well-read and easily conversant, so I learned to talk less and listen. We quickly found our mutual interest in history, drama, and all things British. Although decades divided us, I found her approachable and entertaining. I did hope she found some amusement in spending time with me.

How did I come to meet Kathryn? Quite by a series of fortunate events. Her daughter-in-law had called the graduate school at which I was a student and employee. She spoke to my supervisor, declaring that she needed someone to spend time with her mother-in-law. She specified the characteristics desired. My boss gave her one name, which happened to be mine and for which my gratitude has not expired. After a pleasant interview with her family, I was brought to meet Kathryn to see what she would think of me. That successful meeting led to a wonderful season with an extraordinary woman.

Kathryn was a self-made woman, surviving the depression, college-educated in the 1930s, and left widowed at forty to raise her young children. She was kind and curt, fiery and frail. Introducing me as her “special friend,” she taught me that a sixty year age disparity is no reason to separate friends.

She said that she never understood why I so enjoyed being with her; she always mentioned feeling that she was more of a bother than a boon. I would attempt to explain that who she was was my treasure, not the so many things she could no longer do. I delighted in her humor, her historical commentaries, her dialogue, the strands of poetry she would quote, her kindnesses, her reserved nature, and much more. She became closer to me in one way than even my own grandmothers. My grandmothers knew me only as a child; we were not able to interact as adults.  Kathryn and I became friends despite the business arrangement that instigated our meeting.

Fifteen short months of lessons learned, humor caught, and history handed before she died. In turn, I hope I offered Kathryn some amusement, intellectual stimulation, and entertainment to pass her Fridays. Share a common background, faith, or politic we did not, but our times together taught me that meaningful connection can happen between any two who try.

Another brilliant example of friendship across divides is my friend’s sister, Dr. Heidi Petak, and Kellie Newton in their joint endeavor, Heart Perception Project, or consider this example in the Washington Post.